“My hair?” “What’s wrong with it?” “I should cut it.” “Why?” “My skin?” “What’s wrong with it? “The beauty you don’t see when you look at yourself, is the beauty I see when I look at you” “But you’re a mirror?” “Precisely”
A mirror only reflects objects, and sometimes these reflections are not accurate reflections of the objects held in front of them. Anomalies can occur. What if the mirror is cracked, warped, or slightly distorted? Does that mean that the reflected object too is cracked, warped, or distorted? Can inanimate objects be cracked or distorted? Yes they can. However, as it pertains to us, a mirror is not capable of detecting cracks in people. There is nothing wrong with the person being held up to the mirror; as we are what, and who we are, and the mirror does not improve or lessen that fact. Granted in the case of runny nose or lipstick that may have not been spread evenly. A mirror is the perfect instrument to aid in this correction. But we cannot walk continually around with an image of ourselves, embossed in our minds because of what we saw in a mirror. I recall many years ago doing exactly that. Unknowingly through my behavior, my interaction with others through my facial expressions was dynamic; I was inadvertently saying to people what I thought of myself. Which is great if I am having good thoughts as result of the mirror. But there is a second thought, because on the one hand, when I didn't liked what I saw in the mirror; I moved and interacted with others quite differently. When I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, the change in my attitude had a profound impact on people. Most avoided me, and for those who couldn't, the experience, as I am now learning, was excruciating. That explains a lot. A mirror and it's reflections can have that effect on you.
That is why mirrors are mirrors for a reason, because they don’t represent who we are nor can they create beauty. I find women in their 60's are incredibly intelligent, creatively spontaneous, well versed, disarmingly charming, and possess a look that can convey a myriad of meanings, without speaking a word. It seems, at least to me, that it’s too simple to call all this confidence, suggesting that these mannerisms are newly found or recently discovered. Nonsense. These mannerisms take a lifetime to develop and are passed down like jewels in a tiara, perfected and honed like a sharpened knife. This is a beauty that lies within; a beauty that has been arranged by time, a beauty so captivating that whether understated or drawn it is impossible to miss. The mirror was left at home to reflect on a wall, while beauty went on display. It's bewildering to think that women 60 years and older, are not recognized for the beauty they possess? This is a phenomenon of Western Culture; a culture that seems to make aging, especially for a woman; something that is to be hidden, rather than celebrated. The fact that this fallacy still persist is incredible. This has to change and it is my hope that “60 is the new 40”, will one day become a venue, and an architect of the discussion demanding this change.
Although this is a longitudinal and respectfully objective discussion about how women metamorphous, over-time, into bonafide beautiful women. Requires a difficult discussion. It needs be stated that unfortunately, in this country, objectification is sadly real, and although we (men), me included, have all played a role in this sordid and persistent malady; there is a consortium of other factors that are at the root of the issue. It is not one dimensional, and it’s not all about physical form. Beneath it all there lies simpler and sinister culprits, bias and jealousy. A view of male masculinity past and present evokes an awkward question; what man wouldn't want to be as beautiful a as a woman? I am certain that this statement may provoke some, if not many. Let me explain the reasoning, beauty seems to be a word exclusive to women, and sadly, handsome and being handsome has a limited appeal and overtime It gets worn and faded, grizzly. Time can make us as men into handsome, but time cannot sustain it. However, beauty is universal, not worn through time, or scarred through misuse. By example a picture or a computer enhances facial reproduction of Cleopatra today from hundreds and hundreds of years ago; she is still as beautiful now as she was in 51 BC. It would stand to reason that beauty is indeed sustainable. Beauty also has power. Consider this as theoretical; if someone or something (corporate) could garner this "sense that stirs so much emotion", it would have the power to determine who and what is beautiful and conversely who and what isn't beautiful. This control would be neither fair nor balanced and it would be very subjective. More than likely, the judges of it would rarely be women. Bias and Jealousy. The contradiction is stark and blatant. Fast forwarding to today, those who sit at the seat of this power, to determine who is and who is not beautiful, have blurred the lines between weight, height, teeth, physique, hair color, eye color, skin color, even the shape of the nose. This subjectivity has led to the humongous multi-billion dollar marketing of beauty and the control over who is beautiful? Age plays a huge role in this dilemma.
The genius of it all is that the investment isn’t really in beauty. The investment is in the design or the reshaping of the eye of the beholder. It is a misnomer to believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder; beauty is in the mind and eyes of the possessor. "I think, therefore, I am." Renée Descartes. For a women sixty and over, this would seem like the perfect time to unshackle beauty to free yourself from commercial restraints. Unfortunately the expression of liberation, albeit well intended, has created a vacuum that has now been filled by purchasing power. Why fight for it, when you can just buy it. As an analogy; I believe that a wrongly accused person who has spent a significant portion of their life incarceration has a right to be angry. However, once finally freed most people just want the return of basic necessities and of course some stability back in their lives. But what if the incarceration was designed to be more insidious and emotionally controlling? Who would you be angry if you could just buy what makes you feel free.
Historically, women have been legislated out of or simply denied many basic rights. Truth shouldn't be fuel for an argument. This inequity, however, fueled the fight for liberation, which was more than just a fight for Suffrage Rights; it was as much a battle for freedom of expression and a release from social persecution. The question now becomes; what did you win if age has now been allowed to become the harbinger of social ostrification ? Has liberation gone full circle? What should have been the perfect forging of time and wisdom has, from my small lens, instead become an obnoxious cavalcade of creams, elixirs, drinks, all manner of apparatus and gimmicks that do more harm than good, especially to the psyche. This is not condemnation, it just a position confirmed as a benefactor of time, consumerism, and advertising. Beauty should never have been drawn into the middle of fight between a woman's age.
In the late 60's and early 70’s Virginia Slims, owned by Philip Morris, pronounced through a massive Print, Radio, and TV ad campaign specifically tailored for women, “You’ve come a long way baby, to get to you where you go to today…” Catchy, and it worked. Women began to smoke, a lot. I watched as every women in my family with exception of my grandparents, light one up! The mirror was clouded by all the smoke in the room. The marketing was nothing short of brilliant, it was sold and marketed as a beautiful expression of women's independence and liberation. That is until a woman with a cigarette in her hand stopped looking beautiful. The eye of the possessor changed, and women, many in America, found it difficult to see themselves shrouded by a cloud of smoke, add into that an increase in certain cancer rates at the time (I am not drawing any conclusive or inconclusive evidence linking smoking to cancer) but the ad campaign eventually, fizzled out.
Did it stop there? No, because the corporate America has arsenals of weapons that it can use to accept or deflect attention to the feminine mystique. Shoutout to Betty Friedan. The eye of the beholder is a very powerful force. It sometimes prances out and teases with images of youth as if it were the secret to beauty and health. It pushes anything any anyone who defies this campaign to the back page. Like there isn't enough room on the page for a beautiful mother and her daughter, or grandaughter? Structures, and fortunes have been created to use movement like a magician's slights-of-hand, and this movement can sometimes manipulate the eye to see what is or isn't really there. This practical magic has a purpose, to buy beauty products. Beauty itself does not manipulate, it uses no slights-of-hand, it is simple and free flowing and it never gets old. As an example I think back to a time in cinematic history of the women actors who dominated film while playing the role of a younger woman. Although many actors had few options but to often play roles of much younger women, (it was the business); they were still very beautiful i.e. Dorothy Dandridge, Elizabeth Taylor, Gina Lollobrigida all come to mind. However, when they were free to be themselves, the screen wasn't big enough to contain their aura. These women sixty and older, when placed in front of a camera doing any type of scene, they personified sensuality see...Pam Grier. It's not just because they were and are alluring, instead it's more about corporate greed and being fiscally rationale. If you have been reading previous blog pages then you are well aware that we, "60 is the new 40" and over over own 79% of all residential real-estate in America. I'm not going to even try and put a face on that number, but it'd huge. Furthermore, we are pretty comfortable with seeing a likeliness of ourselves on film. I won’t name names, but there is a long list of beautiful 60 plus actors. A woman's beauty is timeless, and age is no more than an enhancement.
As a single man above the age of sixty. My vision has changed but like many others, it is always a pleasure to meet women in my age group. Unfortunately, I missed the boat, as most, and I will define them as eligible, are and rightly so, still with partners. For a good reason. If you are fortunate enough to have a partner, and one who has been a partner for a long-time, congratulations. From afar, it’s admiring to see that even after all these years as a couple, you can still see the her beauty when you look into your partner's eyes. As men our eyes will make slight imperceptible adjustments over a course of a lifetime, with one exception, beauty. The eyes will never loses focus of on what the have been trained to see as beautiful. The eyes still track and follow it, they still know what the brain likes. After all these years, your partner is still as beautiful today as she was yesterday. Because beauty never fades or ages. It's very admirable to see a couple our age, maybe holding hands, or even in an embrace, and if your alone, not feel slightly envious. To still hold hands, to walk in step, movements so routine they seem choreographed. Sometimes I really want to walk right up and ask, "are you guys faking it?" Truth be told, they are not, to him she is still beautiful, and the appreciation shows. Respect! As the eye of the bolder, my eyes, more my mind, has not been commercialized, or tainted. I believe in the truth of what I am seeing and it's not fake.
This a very personal Public Service Announcement to all women sixty and over; Hello ladies please don’t think for a moment that we (Men) are not looking at you, because we are. I, we, see you when you pause to make a slight adjustment in your step, or that classic pull back the hair move, or that gentle tug of the earrings, and my personal favorite; the check of the chain on the neck which directs those now focused eyes to, well you know where. Subtly, is beauty is too. Thankfully, we are saying goodbye to the days of faces layered in heavy makeup and hair that covers the face, why hide what has taken nature a lifetime to perfect? Beauty as minimal is always more than enough. If anyone has taken the time notice, but the Catwalk is quietly becoming archaic. Women of age need more than just a runway. For the record we the eyes of the beholders, specifically men, are starting to play closer attention to what makes for beauty; as opposed to, what can be made beautiful.
My grandmother Ethel Lee Barton was traditional in her New Orleans fashion. And as a traditional southern woman, when my grandmother went out; she never wore shoes that didn’t match the hat, and she always had a pair of gloves. Her hair was impeccable, but I, her grandson, knew her secret. You see, while I was outside during the day cutting the backyard grass in that nuclear New Orleans sun, she was working in house wearing pink foam curlers all throughout her hair, tightly wrapped, with a silk scarf covering them for hours. There I was dirty and pulverized by the sun, and there she was just maintaining her beauty. Today much of that tradition has been replaced by electric curlers and portable hot air blowers. The matching shoes and gloves has been replaced by spandex, and a pair of vans. As for The Mirror, it has been replaced by the Android and the iPhone cameras. You no longer need to remember what you look like, when you always have the perfect screensaver. However, beauty is still ageless and timeless. The mirror was left at home to reflect on the wall, while beauty went out on display.
"A thing created by Time, can not be destroyed by Time." J. Lee Addison
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