Beauty is Not in The Mirror
“My hair?” “What’s wrong with it?” “I should cut it.” “Why?” “My skin?” “What’s wrong with it?" “The beauty you don’t see when you look at yourself, is the beauty I see when I look at you” “But you’re a mirror?” “Precisely”
A mirror only reflects objects and sometimes these reflections are not accurate reflections of the objects held in front of them. Anomalies can occur. What if the mirror is cracked, warped, or slightly distorted? Does that mean that the reflected object too is cracked, warped, or distorted? Can inanimate objects be cracked or distorted? Yes, they can. However, as it pertains to us, a mirror is not capable of detecting cracks in people. There is nothing wrong with the person being held up to the mirror; as we are what, and who we are, and the mirror does not improve or lessen that fact. Granted in the case of a runny nose or lipstick that may have not been spread evenly. A mirror is the perfect instrument to aid in this correction. However, we cannot walk continually around with an image of ourselves embossed in our minds, because of what we saw in a mirror. I recall many years ago doing exactly that. Unknowingly through my behavior, my interactions with others through my facial expressions were dynamic; I was inadvertently saying to people what I thought of myself. Which is great if I am having good thoughts as result of the mirror. However, there is a second thought, because on the one hand, when I didn't like what I saw in the mirror; I moved and interacted with others quite differently. When I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, the change in my attitude had a profound impact on people. Most avoided me and for those who couldn't, the experience, as I am now learning, was excruciating. That explains a lot. A mirror and its reflections can have that effect on you.
Mirrors are mirrors for a reason, because they don’t represent who we are, nor can they create beauty. I find women in their 60's are incredibly intelligent, creatively spontaneous, well versed, disarmingly charming and possessing of a look that can convey a myriad of meanings, without speaking a word. It seems, at least to me, that it’s too simple to call all this confidence, suggesting that these mannerisms are newly found or recently discovered. Nonsense. These mannerisms take a lifetime to develop and are passed down like jewels in a tiara, perfected and honed like a sharpened knife. This is a beauty that lies within; a beauty that has been arranged by time, a beauty so captivating that whether understated or drawn it is impossible to miss. The mirror was left at home to reflect on a wall, while beauty went on display. It's bewildering to think that women 60 years and older, are not recognized for the beauty they possess? This is a phenomenon of Western Culture; a culture that seems to make aging, especially for a woman; something that is to be hidden, rather than celebrated. The fact that this fallacy still persists is incredible. This has to change, and it is my hope that “60 is the new 40” will one day become a venue and an architect of the discussion demanding this change.
Although this is a longitudinal and respectfully objective discussion about how women metamorphose, over-time, into bonafide beautiful women; requiring a difficult discussion. It needs be stated that unfortunately, in this country, objectification is sadly real, and although we (men), me included, have all played a role in this sordid and persistent malady; there exists a consortium of other factors that are at the root of the issue. It is not one dimensional and it’s not all about physical form. Beneath it all there lies simpler and sinister culprits, bias and jealousy. A view of male masculinity past and present evokes an awkward question; what man wouldn't want to be as beautiful a as a woman? I am certain that this statement may provoke some, if not many. Therefore, let me explain the reasoning; beauty seems to be a word exclusive to women, and sadly, handsome and being handsome has a limited appeal and overtime It gets worn and faded, grizzly. Time can turn us as men into handsome, but time cannot sustain it. However, beauty is universal, not worn through time, or scarred through misuse. By example a picture or a computer enhanced facial reproduction today, for example of Cleopatra. Even though deceased hundreds and hundreds of years ago, she is still as beautiful now as she was in 51 BC. Hence, it would stand to reason that beauty is indeed sustainable. Beauty also has power. Consider this as theoretical concept; if someone or something (corporate) could garner this "sense that stirs so much emotion", it would have the power to determine who and what is beautiful and conversely who and what isn't beautiful. This control would be neither fair nor balanced and it would be very subjective. More than likely, the judges of it would rarely be women. Bias and Jealousy. The contradiction is stark and blatant. Fast forwarding to today, those who sit at the seat of this power to determine who is and who is not beautiful, have blurred the lines between weight, height, teeth, physique, hair color, eye color, skin color, even the shape of the nose. This subjectivity has led to the humongous multi-billion-dollar marketing of beauty and the control over who is beautiful. Age and age discrimination play a huge role in this dilemma.
The genius of it all is that the investment isn’t really in beauty. The investment is in the design or the reshaping of the eye of the beholder. It is a misnomer to believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder; beauty is in the mind and eyes of the possessor. "I think, therefore, I am." Renée Descartes. For women sixty and over, this would seem like the perfect time to unshackle beauty and to free yourself from commercial restraints. Unfortunately, the expression of liberation, albeit well intended, has created a vacuum that has now been filled by buying power. Why fight for it when you can just buy it. As an analogy, think of a man or woman who has been wrongly accused of a crime. Now imprisoned, they spend a sizeable portion of their life incarcerated, they have a right to be angry. However, once finally freed most people just want the return of basic necessities and of course some stability back in their lives. However, what if the incarceration was designed to be more insidious and emotionally controlling? Instead of putting someone in a physical jail, they are imprisoned mentally and emotionally. Now there is no reason to be angry, because you can just buy what makes you feel free and as such, free and freedom have two different meanings. The purchase of an illusion should not be confused with freedom. You cannot purchase beauty.
Historically, women have been legislated out of or simply denied many basic rights. (Truth shouldn't be fuel for an argument.) This inequity, however, fueled the fight for liberation, which was more than just a fight for Suffrage Rights; it was as much a battle for freedom of expression and a release from social persecution. The question now becomes; what did you win if age has now been allowed to become the harbinger of social ostracization ? Has liberation gone full circle? What should have been the perfect forging of time and wisdom has, from my small lens, instead become an obnoxious cavalcade of creams, elixirs, drinks, all manner of apparatus and gimmicks that do more harm than good, especially to the psyche. This is not condemnation, it's just a position confirmed as a benefactor of time, consumerism, and advertising. Sadly, the remnants of persecution can leave invisible scars on a culture, a group, and certainly on gender; and there is no magic cure. In fairness, mature women should never be misconstrued as having lost anything. That's just ridiculous. Beauty should have never been drawn into the middle of a fight vs a woman's age.
In the late 60's and early 70’s Virginia Slims, owned by Philip Morris, pronounced through a massive Print, Radio, and TV ad campaign specifically tailored for women, “You’ve come a long way baby, to get you where you go to today…” Catchy and it worked. Women began to smoke, a lot. I watched as nearly every woman in my family with exception of my grandparents, light one up! The mirror was clouded by all the smoke in the room. The marketing was nothing short of brilliant, it was sold and marketed as a beautiful expression of women's independence and liberation. That is until a woman with a cigarette in her hand stopped looking beautiful. The eye of the possessor changed and women, many in America, found it difficult to see themselves shrouded by a cloud of smoke, add into that an increase in certain cancer rates (I am not drawing any conclusive or inconclusive evidence linking smoking to cancer) and the ad campaign eventually, fizzled out.
Did it stop there? No, because Corporate America has an arsenal of weapons that it can use to accept or deflect attention to and from the feminine mystique. Shoutout to Betty Friedan. The eye of the beholder is a very powerful force. It sometimes prances out and teases with images of youth as if it or they, were the secret to beauty and health. It pushes anything and anyone who defies this campaign to the back page. Like there isn't enough room on the page for a beautiful mother and her daughter, or granddaughter? Structures and fortunes have been created to use movement like a magician's slights-of-hand, and this movement can sometimes manipulate the eye to see what is or isn't really there. This practical magic has a purpose, to buy beauty products. Beauty itself does not manipulate, it uses no slights-of-hand, it is simple and free flowing, and it never gets old. As an example I think back to a time in cinematic history of the women actors who dominated film while playing the role of a younger woman. Although many actors had few options but too often play roles of much younger women, (it was the business); they were still incredibly beautiful i.e. Dorothy Dandridge and Elizabeth Taylor, and Viola Davis all come to mind. However, when they were free to be themselves, the screen wasn't big enough to contain their aura. These women, sixty and older, when placed in front of a camera doing any type of scene, were the very personification of sensuality see...Pam Grier, Helen Mirren, Angela Bassett and Alfre Woodard. This recognition by Corporate America isn't purely, because these women are beautiful, it's also about making money. All these women, regardless of age, still have incredible talent and massive appeal. If you have been reading previous blog pages then you are well aware that we, "60 is the new 40" and over own 79% of all residential real-estate in America. I'm not going to even try and put a face on that number, but it's huge. Furthermore, we are all by now pretty comfortable with seeing a likeliness of ourselves on film, so we will purchase movie tickets and online subscriptions to see these actors. I won’t name names, but there is a long list of beautiful 60 plus actors that are still a box office success. Beauty is timeless and age is just an enhancement.
As a single man above the age of sixty. My vision has changed, but like many others, it is always a pleasure to meet women in my age group. Unfortunately, I missed the boat, as most, and I will define them as eligible, are and rightly so, still with partners. For a good reason. If you are fortunate enough to have a partner and one who has been a partner for a long-time, congratulations. From afar, it’s admiring to see that even after all these years as a couple, you can still see her beauty when you look into your partner's eyes. As men our eyes will make slight imperceptible adjustments over a course of a lifetime, with one exception, beauty. The eyes will never lose focus on what they have been trained to see as beautiful. The eyes still track and follow it, they still know what the brain likes. After all these years, your partner is still as beautiful today as she was yesterday. That is, because beauty never fades or ages. It's very admirable to see a couple our age, maybe holding hands, or even in an embrace, and it's ok to sometimes feel a little envious. It seems choreographed. Sometimes I really want to walk right up and ask, "are you guys faking it?" Truth be told, they are not, to him she is still beautiful, and the appreciation shows. Respect! As the eye of the beholder, my eyes, more my mind, has not been overly commercialized or tainted, and I believe in the truth of what I am seeing and it's real. They are real.
This a very personal Public Service Announcement to all women sixty and over; Hello ladies please don’t think for a moment that we (Men) are not looking at you, because we are. I, we, see you when you pause to make a slight adjustment in your step, or that classic pull back the hair move, or that gentle tug of the earrings, and my personal favorite; the check of the chain on the neck which directs those now focused eyes to, well you know where. Subtlety is beauty too. Thankfully, gone are the days of faces layered in heavy makeup and hair that covers the face, why hide what has taken nature a lifetime to perfect? Beauty as minimal is always more than enough. If anyone has taken the time notice, but the Catwalk is quietly becoming archaic. Women of age need more than just a runway. For the record we the eyes of the beholders, specifically men, are starting to play closer attention to what makes for beauty; as opposed to, what can be made beautiful.
My grandmother Ethel Lee Barton was traditional in her New Orleans fashion. As a traditional southern woman, when my grandmother went out; she never wore shoes that didn’t match the hat, and she always had a pair of gloves. Her hair was impeccable, but I, her grandson, knew her secret. You see, while I was outside during the day cutting the backyard grass in that nuclear New Orleans sun, she was working in house wearing pink foam curlers all throughout her hair, tightly wrapped, with a silk scarf covering them for hours. There I was dirty and pulverized by the sun, and there she was just maintaining her beauty. Today much of that tradition has been replaced by electric curlers and portable hot air blowers. The matching shoes and gloves have been replaced by spandex, and a pair of vans. As for The Mirror, it has been replaced by the Android and the iPhone cameras. You no longer need to remember what you look like, when you always have the perfect screensaver. However, beauty is still ageless and timeless. Beauty, like the lyrics of a song written by Gary Taylor, and performed by The Whispers; "It Just Gets better with Time."
"A thing created by Time, cannot be destroyed by Time." J. Lee Addison
If you have or know anyone who has any stories discussing “Beauty is Not in the Mirror.” Please feel to share your thoughts and or comments at Sixtyisthenew4orty@Gmail.com Thank you, and Please Subscribe.